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Happy Birthday Alex Turner you idiot.

“I never got the hang of poetry” my ass.

I honestly don’t remember exactly when I got into the Arctic Monkeys. A couple of years back, I remember listening to Pandora one night. This song comes on (ironically named D is for Dangerous) and I just stopped. I had to stop, to listen. There was something about this song; either the catchy drumbeat (tambourine included), the back-to-back vocals, or the retakes, I just don’t know but I loved it. “Arctic Monkeys,” I whispered to myself slightly laughing. So I did what anyone else would do: I Googled them. Guessing from the vocals in D is for … I imagined a group of 50-year-old men. The kids in the search results weren’t even half that age. I decided to buy WPSIATWIN a couple of days later. Little did I know what I was getting myself into …

I didn’t listen to the album for weeks. It’s a horrible habit I have; I don’t easily listen to music I haven’t already listened to. Dancing Shoes came on shuffle and for some reason I hadn’t skipped it. That went on repeat for a couple of days. Soon after From the Ritz to the Rubble replaced it and then the rest of the album followed. I couldn’t believe it. I was so used to albums having one good song and the rest of ‘em being shit, but this wasn’t the case. Every single song was perfect. The lyrics, they were witty and cynical yet they were smart and simple. The guitars they just hit everything right on the spot. The bass wasn’t just a thing in the background anymore. And the drums. The motherfucking drums.

The “Discovery Stage” is what I like to call what happened next. Every new song (well, for me anyway) I heard was like tasting a new food. I closed my eyes and just listened. You pictured each sound as they flowed in; it wasn’t the same old bland broccoli anymore. “Favourite Worst Nightmare” was my next purchase. It was different; more (calm) collected (and commanding) but even fiercer and with a wider range, to go from a song like Brianstorm to 505in just one album?

I didn’t like Humbug at first, as I’m sure a lot of us did too. To be honest, I hated it. You went from a brutal attack to an album like this? It was ridiculous; it was an outrage. I developed a grudge against them and stopped listening in protest. In short, the waters became stagnant. The stupidity, my stupidity, I look back in disgust.

I ended up buying the album anyway. I pushed it in the player expecting nothing in particular. I was sad. This band had made some of the best music I had ever listened to and this album just threw it all away. It was the biggest disappointment I could receive.

The little fuckers. It was the first time I had listened to the album in its entirety and just … holy fucking shit. Mesmerized is the closest word I could find to describe what I felt.

Then you lot came in. Up to this point, I had kept them all to myself. Everybody was too busy listening to Pitbull and Rihanna to even bother. I felt as if I was hiding a national secret; if I shared it with the wrong person, I’d ruin everything. ArcticMonkeysUS came up while I was looking for lyrics. There were people that actually had a good taste in music?! I began to check AMUS daily (stalker and proud) until I finally said, “Screw it, I’m getting a Tumblr.” This was around the time the Brick by Brick video came out. So history repeats itself. All the freaking lyrics you’ve written and you hand me 39 bricks and 3 rock and rolls? Long story short, Suck It And See is one of the best albums ever made blah blah blah.

I’ve asked myself what this band means to me what seems like a million times but I still can’t explain myself. I listen to a song and it’s like the first time: every sound continues to amaze me, it surprises as if I wasn’t expecting it. Yet it all sounds so familiar. I get captured in the moment and the whole world just shuts off. It doesn’t matter what’s just happened in my life, the seconds before the song or even the seconds after it all disappears. I’m not searching for sympathy but I’ve gone through a whole load of shit in my life, stuff I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, but I’m okay (relatively, anyway) because of them. Because none if matters, I just don’t care, because I know that whatever comes my way, I’ll still have them. And that’s the great thing about music; no matter what occurs in your life, it’ll still be there waiting for you. They all talk you up, telling you their shoulder will always be available, but the truth it carries is slim to none. People come and go, people die, music doesn’t.

And I hate them for it. It’s because of them I’ve become apathetic towards my life. People are stupid and just plain cruel and I want nothing to do with them. All they worry about is who’s with whom and where they can find some cheap weed. It all seems so idiotic to me, I’ve begun to prefer my own company. Not to mention the four of them are the weirdest pair of morons the world has ever seen.

But I love them for it. I love them more than I’ve ever loved anything else in my life. I think the fact that I’m writing this at outside on the balcony at two in the morning, in freezing cold weather shows just how much this band means to me.

I don’t think I’d be where I am right now had it not been for them. You see, I’m not … normal. I don’t feel the way everybody else does. I don’t connect with people the way everyone is capable of. Our brains are wired differently; I don’t understand why they make a big deal of some things and just let the big stuff slide. I’m not an emotional person. But when I listen to an AM song, I lose it. Feelings, thoughts that I would never experience otherwise just take hold of me. They’re not just stirrings; whole, complete, ruthless emotions take over. And the worst part is, it happens every single time, over and over again, but it never gets old. It’s because of them I’ve discovered so many great bands and musicians. It’s because of them I met all you guys! I know that you all don’t really mind me, but you’ve shown that not everyone out there is as stupid as they seem.

All I want to do is say “thank you.” For everything. Because without you, I’d be like everyone else. Without these four idiots, my four idiots, I’d be a fake. I would’ve never realized what matters and what doesn’t. I’d be like the rest of them, caught up in my own plastic world instead of seeing things for what they really are.

And be assured, that if I ever get to meet you, I’ll be telling you all of this. I realize how creepy it might sound to you, but you mean a hell of a lot more to me than anything else does. I’ll start crying, about halfway through, but I hope you know they’re tears of happiness. You’ll forget me, which is fine, I’d expect no less, but just know, that you’ve changed my life. In the best way I could’ve ever imagined.

(one day two days late but that’s just how I roll. I posted this already, but I thought since you were doing the Alex posts’ I would show this to you. You don’t have to read it, honestly, but I thought I should tell you guys just how much all of you (the top four morons included) mean to me.)

FNAM: This is lovely, thank you for sharing with us! The Four Idiots should be their “Fab Four”…

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